Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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