Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
