I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
