i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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