2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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