OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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