11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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