Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
