i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
