i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
