Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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