next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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