i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
