sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
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Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
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When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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