i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i've created a new STD.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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