I need help removing her.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
