my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
