dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
