I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
