I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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