i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
