so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
if only i could text you this smell
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
