I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
she told me i tasted like america
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
