dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm just crazy horny about you
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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