Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
