The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
