I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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