I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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