What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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