girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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