dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
