there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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