your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
