matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
