man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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