Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
