i may or may not be watching the land before time
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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