I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
