wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
