apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
