Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
