I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I would ride that face into the sunset
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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