i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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