Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Randomize
