Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
