so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
