He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
