I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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