Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
