I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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