I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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