my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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