yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
