Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
