too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
