question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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