Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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