I am midnight drunk by noon
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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