yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
