How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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