The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
