Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
