I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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