Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
