it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
