Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
