The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We were destined to go to rehab together
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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