I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
