I just made out with a guy for $7.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
