what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
