You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
