I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
