i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
