i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
