We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
