Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
